And so...

Scout's comment reminded me to say how the energy work appointment actually went.

I was on time (whew!) and then we spoke a bit about my homework--noting how often I "yes, but" the world (often). Then I laid on her table while she touched my feet, then my sacrum, then my skull, then it was over. That was about 45 minutes of deep calm, but the minute she moved away my mind leapt up. The feeling was abandonment--by this woman I've spoken to three times. Great, I thought, not fixed.

The rest of my day was fairly easy, so when I ran into a woman I barely know who was very upset about her boyfriend, I took the time to listen. She was frustrated with herself for acting in ways that alienated him; she didn't want to be that person but felt she couldn't help it. It felt like I was listening to myself. From out of nowhere I found myself telling her what I know is true--that we are not running the show. She was in that dance with someone else, and while of course change is possible, one person can't make it happen. And just like that I saw that indeed there had been a deeper shift, because I could see how true and simple this was. I woke up, reminded myself of this fact, and have since set about doing what's in front of me, keeping in mind I'm not in charge. So far so good. For now.